Backpacking the Appalachian Trail
I'd just started my first real job out of college and moved to Illinois when my then-boyfriend suggested we backpack the Appalachian Trail.
Whatever possessed me to be stupid enough to attempt this I haven't figured out to this day!
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But attempt it I did and wholeheartedly. I even went out and bought all new, very expensive backpacking gear. That was my first major mistake of many as it turned out.
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Bill and I decided we'd start our Appalachian trek at Pisgah National Forest - during the week of the 4th of July. Which was our second major mistake.
We arrived in NC in the late afternoon so set up camp at one of the campgrounds, which was packed to the rafters with campers and hikers.
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We'd spend the night there and begin backpacking the Trail the next morning - or so I thought at the time anyway.
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We were up early and on our way.
We weren't 30 minutes up the trail when 2 Rangers stopped us. And placed us under arrest.
Seems Chit for Brains boyfriend (unbeknownst to me) had packed his .45 pistol in his pack, another camper saw him do this and reported us as potential poachers.
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I guess the Rangers believed I had no knowledge of this, given my demeanor with Bill:
"ARE YOU F'ING STUPID?!! WHY WOULD YOU BRING A GUN UP HERE, YOU MORON?!!"
"To protect you from bears."
"I GREW UP RAISING BEARS, YOU DICKHEAD! I KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND BEARS! I DON'T NEED YOU PLUGGING THEM FULL OF LEAD TO PROTECT ME!!!"
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So back down the trail we went, under arrest, to the Pisgah Ranger Station...me yelling at Chit for Brains boyfriend all the way back down the trail. The Rangers were very nice and unarrested me, as it was pretty obvious I wasn't too damn happy with Chit for Brains boyfriend.
Or as Ranger Rick put it to him, "If I were you, I'd be way more worried about that girlfriend of yours mauling you than any bear!"
(Damn straight! You tell him, Ranger Rick!)
We spent the morning at the Ranger station, most of the time Bill begging Ranger Rick not to confiscate his .45 permanently.
It was almost noon by the time we were headed back up the trail again. Bill's gun locked in my car and the key hidden in my bra.
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It was blistering hot that week and by the time we were about 2 hours up the trail, I was ready to chuck that 65 pound backpack of mine right over the nearest cliff. To make matters worse, I hadn't been smart enough to break in my new hiking boots ahead of time.
Consequently, my feet were chock full of raw, painful blisters - to the point every step I took was pure torture.
I decided the hiking boots would be the next item to toss over the nearest cliff.
(Or maybe Chit for Brains boyfriend...I was still up in the air on that one!)
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Next 'surprise' in store...
If you're going to hike the Appalachian Trail know you are going to encounter bears. No two ways about it. I grew up among bears, helped raise bear cubs, so bears don't frighten me in the least. As long as you know how to behave around them you'll be fine, as they really will avoid human contact whenever possible and just go their own way.
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But just a head's up for you gals...being at that altitude will change your menstrual cycle and WALLA! Guess what! Bears are attracted to the smell of blood, they equate it with raw food.
Yes, they will sniff you out. Just a head's up on that one...
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So I was none too thrilled when Chit for Brains boyfriend decided we were both too tired to set up our tent and would spend the night in one of the Applachian Trail shelters.
Yep, wide open where any curious bear smelling blood can easily get to you. I'm not afraid of bears under normal conditions...but if they think you're food? All bets are off.
As if things couldn't possibly get any worse, I then discovered the joy of Applachian Trail 'restrooms'.
You'd think with all the trees around the Trail they could manage to put wood doors on them! Or at least turn them so the opening isn't facing the Trail.
But no...you just pop a squat in full view of everyone on the Trail.
Are we having fun yet?
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Safe to say by the end of Day One I was kicking myself for ever agreeing to this 'adventure' - and I still had 2 weeks to go.
We encountered 3 more bears before we reached Brevard and Sliding Rock - the only worthwhile part of the trip.
Sliding Rock is a 60' natural waterslide one can slide down. It's mountain water so ICE COLD and it numbed me enough to take away some of the pain wracking my body and the raw blisters now covering my feet. I would've camped right there for the remainder of the 2 weeks and been perfectly content.
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Day 4: It's 100 degrees in the shade. Bill is sick from eating dehydrated food and heat stroke.
We're camped beside the only 2 way highway through the mountain. It's too hot to stay in the tent. I strip off my bra and decide to go for a walk. BAZINGA! i spot a blackberry patch.
REAL FOOD! HALLELUJAH!
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I step in a ground wasp's nest attempting to snag the blackberries. Within seconds I'm a mass of black very pissed off stinging hornets.
The wasps are clinging to my shirt, stinging me through it. I've run blindly into the middle of the 2 lane highway (which is bumper to bumper with cars), ripping off my shirt and screaming as I do.
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The last thing I remember is hearing a female shout "GET BACK IN THIS CAR! HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN TITS BEFORE?!!" and then it was lights out.
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I woke up in a hospital ER with no idea of how I got there. The ER personnel told me they'd quit counting at 180 wasp stings. I was a solid mass of painful red welts. They released me and I spent the rest of that day in a mountain stream getting cold enough not only to numb the pain but give myself hypothermia.
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I told Chit for Brains boyfriend he'd best spend that time getting the car packed up because I was DONE with backpacking.
When we got home I broke up with Chit for Brains boyfriend and threw all that brand new, expensive backpacking gear right in the dumpster.
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I can show you in one picture what backpacking the Appalachian Trail is like...
Take it from me. Leave the Trail to the bears and take up a nice safe sport - like crocodile wrestling.